You experienced a traumatic event when it comes to sexuality…
And now, you find yourself being triggered in one way or another.
You might remember snippets of these memories, occasionally re-experience the trauma in its entirety, and live with various of its effects on your life.
You might feel helpless sometimes, like is life happening TO you – control of your circumstances slipping out of your hands.
Why does it feel like you’re an actor and can’t escape the slew of painful movie scenes lined up waiting for you?
You see…
Your subconscious mind and body have stored a memory of your past sexual trauma and it affects your life on deep level.
It replays itself over and over, in its creative ways – this emotional pattern takes you further down a slippery slope.
As a child especially, your mind and body were like a storage box. Behind the scenes, they were eagerly making note of all events in your life, making conclusions about the way the world works.
Significant or not, all events you lived through, or things you heard became your blueprint to life.
Your subconscious beliefs got formed, commanding your way of being into your adolescence and adult-life. And the painful events got stored as emotional turmoil within your mind and body.
So that you don’t re-live the pain of course, your natural suppression tactics are now hard at work to keep the pain hidden deep inside you!
But in the few moments when your guard is down, your brain subtly nudges you to remember your past ‘exciting’ memories…
That’s why pieces of your past affect you to this day.
When they surface from the deep caves within your subconscious where they’ve been hibernating, the pain affects the way you feel and behave in the present.
And if you don’t do something about it…
Repressed memories and painful emotions will keep building up with each recollection and subsequent suppression.
The cave will keep filling with pain. And the memories will surface more and more often, reminding you that it’s time to deal with them!
Overall, your past will continue to affect you until you choose to take action, engage in emotional healing and free yourself of its hold.
So how do we clear your painful memories and refresh the sleight of the present and the future?
We must literally clean out the trauma stored in your mind and body, through physical and non-physical healing strategies.
The physical healing strategies are simpler perhaps.
Since the body stores your emotions, you can quite literally allow them to escape your body through physical, somatic experience methods.
For example, your body may be able to release these traumatic experiences through body massage (like I wrote about here). A physical stirring up of energies within the body can allow the energetic build up to escape in the form of emotional release.
In many cases through…
You guessed it…
That’s right – you can quite literally cry the effect sexual trauma has had on you away.
I once experienced the most raw form of balling my eyes out during a massage.
It was profound.
The peace I felt after this release was wonderful. I felt extreme lightness and a sense of relief.
In fact, people can burst into tears during stretching, particularly of the PSOAS muscle, also known as the stress muscle. This muscle stores a lot of our emotional tension in life and releasing that tightness can let go of your emotional build-up with it.
Maybe that’s what keeps dogs so joyful all the time – they know the power of stretching!
Another way to release emotional trauma is through practices that focus on self-reflection and emotional healing DIRECTLY, through non-physical methods…
There’s a single category many of these non-physical practices fit under…
Meditation.
More specifically, breath work and deep meditation from the space of unconditional love in the heart creates for an effective emotional healing practice.
The breath is the link between the physical body and our spiritual essence, the soul. And the heart is the place of unity where deep healing is accessible.
This combination can be incredibly healing for trauma of any sort.
It helps re-wire our being for the experience of love and gratitude, while purging the effect of negative energy.
So we must release the negativity stored within our bodies and transform any remnants of it into love.
To release negative energy and emotional baggage stored during a meditation, allow yourself to feel the emotion fully.
Experience what enters your awareness by surrendering to the process. Allow your emotions to rise up in your body and express them fully so they can escape outside of you instead of sinking back down.
Sometimes it helps to express it with the use of sound, as this aids the flow of energy.
It’s not always a pretty sight, by our societal standard, but all emotions are equal.
Expressing the deep parts of yourself that may have been suppressed for years is incredibly healing and can feel like a massive emotional and even physical relief.
It’s a sensation that brings you peace and relaxation.
In fact, physical pain may also disappear after such an emotional release. That’s because every physical manifestation is created due to an energetic imbalance and emotional pain!
When it comes to sexual trauma and vaginismus in particular…
Dealing with the physical and emotional pain through meditation can have an extremely positive effect on your physical therapy efforts. Meditation can physically eliminate the tightening response of your pelvic floor muscles!
That’s because the mind and nervous system are intimately connected to the physical body stress response – the tightening of the pelvic floor.
So by easing the mind and achieving a deep state of relaxation through meditation, you can naturally calm your nervous system and guide your brain to associate penetration with safety as opposed to danger.
In other parts of your life…
You may also find that your stress and worries lessen, while your optimism and self-acceptance improve.
Meditating is a wonderful tool to upkeep your sense of hope and resilience when faced with challenges of all sorts.
It can also help you understand and love yourself deeply.
Magic happens…
Meditation can also help you know your purpose, finding appreciation for experiences you’ve had that you may never have seen in a positive light before.
Also…
When you get to a space of complete stillness and peace during a meditation, you may feel an INDESCRIBABLE bliss…
An overwhelming wave of unconditional love and gratitude.
That in itself is an incredible healing experience on an energetic level that are not clearly visible at first.
And with time, the energetic effects settle in and you start noticing some profound shifts.
For me…
A lot of emotional residue has come to the surface and cleared up through both the physical and non-physical practices.
Memories of sexual trauma have revealed themselves further than I was aware of consciously.
Through allowing myself to surrender into a deep meditative state, my deeply stored emotional pain definitely got stirred up!
This created some emotional turmoil for a while…
As I kept doing the work, my emotional triggers and insecurities started to become less pronounced. Their grip on my life loosened and a newfound feeling of freedom and peace became available.
I was able to release some repressed emotions about painful childhood memories and unhealthy relationship dynamics.
I cleared out layers of emotional pain and sneaky remnants of trauma…
Feelings of not being cared for, understood, or loved started to transform into a deep rooted love for myself, as well as those who have hurt me.
Because people act out of the depths of their OWN wounds.
You hear about putting yourself in other people’s shoes and this is so much easier to do in a meditative state!
With that understanding, forgiveness of others became an option, also making way for forgiveness of myself…
For things I’ve said and ways I’ve acted that were hurtful.
I’ve found freedom on many levels and with continued reflection, I keep uncovering deeper layers of healing.
But none of this magic can TRULY be understood theoretically. It must be experienced. That’s why I urge you to engage in this exploration for yourself…
The self is the most wonderful source of wisdom and truth!
And if you’re experiencing vaginismus, chatting with someone who has been there too is a wonderful way to feel less alone. So please connect with me to get personalized guidance (and an ear to listen from a place of understanding)…
To your journey!
– Katrin, with Love
