Let’s be honest, as you first start using dilators, it can be an uncomfortable and deeply unsexy experience.
I know when my parents bought my set of dilatators and I tried to mentally prepare myself to start using them, I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to relax, that it would hurt just as it did every other time I managed a little bit of penetration, and that I would only confirm my suspicions that I had ‘a broken vagina’.
For a long time, I made my experience of vaginismus worse by poking myself with a dilator. I slipped further down the slippery slope of the Cycle of Pain, gritting my teeth through the pain and discomfort, only hoping that I was making progress.
A sex therapist told me I should dilate, so struggling to breathe while having a dilator inside of me should be helping, right?
Right?!
The truth is that I started dilating way before I was ready for the Physical Release and Relaxation pillar of what I now call Katrin’s 3 Pillars of Putting Vaginismus In The Past.
I had skipped out on the Compassionate Emotional Processing and Discovering Your Authentic Sexual Self pillars.. And I wasn’t even aware of the Nervous System Reset work that would have been such an important foundation to everything else.
Though I’m not happy about how much time I ‘wasted’ during the first stage of my journey, in which I blindly trusted that what I was told to do was, in fact, good for me (before I discovered the power of a holistic approach).
What I am happy about is that I wasn’t given one particular recommendation that would have made things even worse – that I never came across anyone who told me to ‘just use numbing cream’.
It turns out that many fellow vaginismus sisters are told to invest in a numbing cream to use alongside dilators. And I’m here to warn you against this approach.
Topical Therapy Using Numbing Cream? What Is It?
Topical therapy is the term used to discuss the use of topical ointments, such as numbing agents (usually Lidocaine 5% either as an ointment, gel, or cream) for the purpose of alleviating the pain and muscle spasms associated with vaginismus. Numbing creams/gels are used as a local anesthetic that works by blocking nerve signals in the applied area, temporarily reducing pain or discomfort.
Numbing cream used as a treatment is not prescribed alone; in most cases, it will be prescribed alongside the use of dilators to tackle the physical symptoms of vaginismus.
The numbing cream, when applied, works by blocking nerve signals, reducing the pain associated with vaginal penetration, allowing you to insert and work through your dilator set without fear of pain.
It has also been noted that the use of numbing cream has been seen to positively affect muscle relaxation, with the body unable to feel pain, making it less likely for the muscles to contract.
Doctors then believe that this can lead to you easily rewiring your brain’s neural pathways to associate penetration and stimulation with pleasure.
Should You Be Skeptical About Numbing Cream?
Although topical therapy is still very much a popular option when used in conjunction with physical therapy and sex therapy, it is an approach I highly recommend you think twice about (and generally trust your gut feeling instead of a doctor’s recommendation).
I’m about to share why, but first…
How and why has the use of numbing creams become a popular option for vaginismus?
Well, the idea is that we stop feeling pain, and numbing creams help us do just that. And in certain cases, they have been seen to help with the symptoms.
Some studies have found that, in small doses, when applied to the vaginal opening, they can reduce or completely erase the physical pain of penetration. Allowing you to use dilators or enjoy penetrative sex without worrying about pain and discomfort. Allowing you to feel in control of your body and its reactions.
Except for one small problem – they lead to feeling nothing. Neither pain, nor pleasure.. And though this can feel like a relief in the short-term, it doesn’t do much for you in the long-term goal of gaining conscious awareness and control of your pelvic floor muscles in the hopes of being able to gently contract them or fully relax them at your will.
Hence…
Though some medical professionals claim that the absence of pain can help reduce and even stop the muscle spasms around the opening of the vaginal canal, I believe that in most cases, the psychological and physical bracing, as well as the muscle spasms themselves, continue to take place. The only difference is that you don’t feel the painful after-effects of those tightening signals!
Also, even when the numbing cream stops all sensation in the area, feeling the pressure of something being inserted may still activate the anxiety as well as the physical bracing, which unfortunately doesn’t help break the Cycle of Pain.
A lack of sensation may lead to even deeper disconnection from your body
Because you can’t feel the discomfort while the muscles are numb, it can lead to you pushing through when your vaginal muscles are spasming, so when you finally stop using the numbing cream, you find the contractions more painful or that you are unable to relax the muscles naturally to use dilators or attempt penetrative sex.
Or the disconnection from such an intimate part of your body can be discomforting and even scary, leading you away from your pleasure liberation and back into old patterns of freezing and shutting your body’s responses down.
You may then find that you can feel your muscles spasming (that feeling of a total block at the opening of your vaginal canal) because the brain has gone into panic mode and immediately shut that part of your body down, fearing the worst.
What Is The Experience Like?
When using numbing cream, some of the most common sensations are: an initial burning sensation when applied, which tends to go away quickly once the effects start to take hold. (Burning to reduce burning, interesting…) But of course, after that, the sensation of using numbing cream is a reduced feeling in the area you have applied it.
Side effects such a short-term burning or stinging around the area aren’t uncommon, and neither is redness and long-term irritation to the skin. Some people also report damage to the nerves themselves, and for such a sensitive (and full of pleasure potential) area of the body, that is not a risk worth taking in my opinion!
How Long Does Lidocaine Numbing Cream Last?
It takes 15-30 minutes from the time of application to let the numbing cream to take effect. However, in reality, it can take anywhere from 30-60 minutes for the area to be ‘properly’ numbed.
That’s quite a bit of preparation time for an attempt at penetration, isn’t it? Whether for dilating or what is supposed to be a playful and fun sexual act (that ideally includes sexual arousal rather than waiting to be numbed out!).
My recommendation is to use that time to practice skills and habits that will last you a lifetime, even pelvic floor relaxation exercises, for example!
After that, numbing cream can last for 1-2 hours per application. Yikes!
Should You Use Numbing Creams In The Process Of Overcoming Vaginismus?
When speaking with other vaginismus sisters, one of the positives that did come up from using numbing cream, especially at the start of using their dilators, was that it allowed them to experience what ‘painless’ penetration was.
This glimpse of ‘oh my body can accept penetration’ can be a useful tool for reshaping our connection with our body, offering us a physical reminder of what we are capable of, not to mention creating a positive memory to go along with the penetration we can look back on.
However, for me, this positive has its limitations, and numbing cream, if you choose to use it, should only be for a short period of time. When it comes to vaginismus, working on accepting penetration is only one part of the journey; you need to be able to be fully present with your body’s reactions to fully step into your body’s connection with pleasure.
I believe that if you were to try it, then it should be used for a short time at the beginning, as you get your body used to the feeling of using dilators.
By relying on it for too long, you may find that while you can easily work through your dilators, when it comes time to start removing the use of numbing cream from your routine, you find yourself back to step 1 as your body starts to feel discomfort again.
Alongside that, you may also find that even when using numbing cream, you still experience pain and discomfort when inserting a tampon or dilator or even during sex. Making it ultimately useless as a treatment option.
This could also make penetrative sex harder for two reasons: one, by using numbing cream during sex, you may find that it numbs sensation for you AND your partner. And, because you have relied on penetration to have no sensation, penetrative sex could feel too much or like your body is going through trauma again.
Remember, numbing and pleasure simply cannot co-exist, so I do recommend looking at all options and choosing which option is right for you. For a moment, that could be numbing cream for others; it could be just relying on dilators.
Does Using Numbing Cream Help Overcome Vaginismus?
Although numbing cream has become a popular option for doctors to recommend to their patients as they start their vaginismus journey, allowing them to regain a sense of control and move around the fear of pain and discomfort a they use dilators, fingers, toys, and work up to penetration in sex, does it actually work?
I think it’s a personal question to ask. On one hand, there is no shame in using numbing cream. It offers you a chance to regain your pleasure without fear.
However, for me personally, I don’t recommend using numbing cream to those I talk with at Vaginismus Sisters. That is because, although it can offer relief, it cannot help you overcome vaginismus.
Yes, I do see the benefit of numbing the area so that you don’t feel pain, but what isn’t talked about is that while the area is numbed to you, the body will still react. Meaning that yes, you may find that your pelvic muscles stretch further as you work with a dilator, BUT, and this is a big but, they will STILL be contracting at the same time because you haven’t worked with your mental state to help get the body to relax on its own.
Like with Botox, which can help to relax the muscles around the vaginal opening, a reason why I am hesitant to recommend using the numbing creams or this procedure (something I haven’t experienced myself), is that while both can tackle the physical symptoms, or at least numb the pain..
What neither option really focus on is the mental side of vaginismus nor learn how to connect with, control and lean into your pleasure fully.
To me, it doesn’t help you consciously master that physical relaxation necessary for an effective dilating practice and for pleasurable penetrative sex down the line.
As well as this, the body can still subconsciously recognize the penetration from the dilators as something painful and re-traumatize the body, the same way others feel after being sedated and having a gyneacological exam. This, in turn, can then make the body’s automatic tightening response worse, deepening the Cycle of Pain that we talk about a lot here at Vaginismus Sisters.
So…
Although the vaginismus journey can be full of discomfort and pain at times, sometimes this is something that can cause the fullest healing for both our bodies and minds.
By experiencing the discomfort, recognising the feeling and then working with your body to relax, heal and embody pleasure to the fullest, you can easily regain control of your vagnial muscles without needing to rely on numbing cream.
No matter what choice you make, I would invite you to follow your curiosity in exploring your options and making sure you do thorough research and follow your gut feeling on what the right help is for you.
– Katrin, with Love
