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Yoni Gazing – An Ancient Tantric Ritual To Help With Painful Sex And Vaginismus

Unlike penis-owners, vagina-owners face a really significant downside.

See, a man…

Literally HOLDS his penis to pee standing up right.

He can easily WATCH his penis during self-pleasure if he chooses to.

Heck, he even touches it regularly through the day to adjust.

At least in the media, men are portrayed comparing their junk in the locker room, for…

Status and respect?

Us, vulva owners…

We CAN’T SEE our vulvas!

Your lady bits. Private parts. Your yoni if you want to call it that.

Your pussy – this word has been turned into a cuss word (synonymous with weak) in our society, internationally! How unfortunate. Our nipples aren’t allowed to make an appearance on social media and…

Anatomically, our vulvas are literally tucked out of sight, between our legs.

It would take crazy flexibility to be able to have your vulva in direct sight!

* Don’t try this at home!

So in order to see your vulva, you have to use a mirror… Or take a selfie!

Given the physical location of your vulva, looking at your yoni is probably something you’ve rarely done, if ever.

This is the case for most of us!

Many of us aren’t familiar with our anatomy either – the different parts of us that sit comfortably between our legs.

Unfortunately, parents seldom engage in this sort of education with their kids, and girls are left adopting words like tinkle, front bum and wee wee.

Instead of being proud of the accurate language that represents our beautiful bodies, we are conditioned to hide it in shame.

That’s true especially those of us who have experienced painful sex, and thus have additionally disassociated from our bodies.

So… Let’s begin to explore our own bodies and discover the beauty of our vulva!

This can be a deeply therapeutic and healing experience that can bring a huge release of insecurities, shame and negative sexual experiences.

It can make space for love and gratitude for her – the building blocks of an accepting relationship with this sacred part of your body.

The vulva, vagina and uterus are the source of creation and the place from where ALL life births from.

The exploration I’m referring to starts by looking at your vulva. Gazing at her and consciously accepting her as beautiful.

Because let’s face it…

Most people with a vulva have never seen another person’s vulva, except for maybe in porn.

And most vulvas featured in mainstream porn are NOT a realistic representation of a typical vulva, as many of them have been cosmetically adjusted with labiaplasty.

Did you know labiaplasty is the fastest growing surgical procedure out there?

We are raising kids out there who feel that they should cosmetically adjust their bodies in order to be beautiful!

When in fact, there are countless unique vulvas out there – different colours, shapes and sizes – all divine and beautiful!

Projects like The Vulva Gallery, The Great Wall Of Vagina, and The Labia Library have been created to showcase the beauty of vulvas and to help people be more accepting of the way their vulva looks. So this is a call to you! Learn to love your vulva!

Become intrigued and fascinated by your beautiful body and in doing so, slowly peel away the layers of shame, embarrassment and guilt that may have been built up about your sexuality.

This can be incredibly healing!

When is the last time you saw your vulva?

Most vulva owners have never sat down and take the time to explore the magic between their legs…

It’s because many of us have fears about our yonis and have never fully explored or looked at that beautiful part of ourselves in a loving way. Because we might be self conscious about the way the vulva looks…

So to engage this journey of acceptance, try this ancient tantric ritual – yoni gazing:

  1. Ensure your space is free of distractions and feels safe so you can fully surrender and relax. (The lights need to be on so you can see your yoni fully.)
  2. Undress from the waist down and get yourself a handheld mirror…
  3. Sit or lay down comfortably against a cozy pillow, bending your legs at the knees…
  4. Place the mirror between your legs so that you can see your vulva…
  5. Take some time to explore your vulva with your eyes. What do you notice? P.S. Your vulva is beautiful!
  6. Thank her for everything she’s been through alongside you… Send her your love and devotion, from the bottom of your heart.
  7. And ask her for forgiveness for not having given her the attention and love she deserves…
  8. Bring awe and appreciation to her once again and notice the thoughts that come up and the feelings and sensations that move through your body…
  9. Tell her this: “I love you. You are beautiful. I am sorry for ever betraying you. I promise I’ll listen to you and keep you safe. You are safe.”
  10. If you feel comfortable, lightly start touching all parts of your vulva lovingly to remind her that she’s worthy of receiving love and pleasure. (If you’d like to get better acquainted with the anatomy of your vulva, touch the labia, clitoris, vestibule, vaginal opening, urethra, and anus…)
  11. After about 15 minutes or when you feel complete, come into a relaxed position and be present with whatever feelings arise from doing this exercise. You did it!

What did you notice?

Did any feelings of shame, guilt, discomfort, or even disgust come up?

If so, that’s totally normal. They may have been part of your life for many years.

With each yoni gazing session, you become closer to fully allowing yourself to release the discomfort and make space for unconditional love and acceptance.

You may even realize…

May the love for your body in its entirety bring you peace and a conscious awareness that ALL of YOU is beautiful!


I invite you to check out a perfect tool to serve as your reflective partner in your yoni gazing rituals!

A one-of-a-kind compact mirror, with a personality!

I love this creation, called Your Vajesty, by the wonderful Lovability Inc. – a company committed to your sexual health and happiness.

The message it sends is incredibly real, empowering and light-hearted!

That’s why I love to keep mine in my purse, as reminder of my beauty and power…

You can invest in your own little reminder of YOUR Vajesty at Lovability Inc. for only $10 and you’re welcome to use code KATRINWITHLOVE for 10% off.

This wonderful company offers other fun merchandise and The WaterSlyde sex toy alternative – the one and only aquatic stimulator!

To your self love!

– Katrin, with Love