I Wish I Would Have Reached Out Sooner

Trigger warning: Mention of rape.

I have been diagnosed with vaginismus for about 3 years now. 

I grew up in a Christian home and practically lived at my church. Sex was viewed as a bad thing and should only be done when married. I saved myself for my husband. 

A month after being married and hardly any penetration happening (along with the burning pain), I went to my gynaecologist. I never made it through the pap smear. I was questioned if I had ever been raped, in which I shouted no in horror.

I was then diagnosed with vaginismus and told to go to physical therapy. I never went because I thought I could solve this problem out on my own. 

After months of searing pain and getting nowhere, I bought myself dilators. I would have days of success and months of resistance. I was getting frustrated and getting nowhere, again. We would go months without sex because I would state I was not in the mood or tired. 

I was angry because I did “all the right things” before getting married. I saved myself and yet I ended up with this problem. How was everyone else having tons of sex and having babies with their husbands, while I was here suffering. 

After following Katrin for a year or so behind the scenes and many missed video chats, I got up the courage to seek her out for help. 

I felt so relieved that someone understood exactly what I was going through! Katrin was so kind, honest and loving! She made me realize that I can conquer this condition and that I will. 

I am so excited to see my progress within the next 4 months during our 1-on-1 journey! 

I hope that others experiencing vaginismus will be able to push through the walls they have built and seek out the support they need. Don’t wait 3 years like I did. I wish I would have reached out sooner. 

Know that you are not alone and that there are people who feel the same way you do. 

– Rebekah (27 years old, Annapolis, USA)