Five years ago, the idea of using an AI bot to generate and have conversations sounded like a Sci-Fi movie. But, with the rise of Chat-GPT being used as an assistant, therapist, or research assistant, that fictionalized idea has now become our reality.
And the use of AI and technology doesn’t stop there, not a day goes by without the news reporting on how people are now dating AI-girlfriends or flirting with AI text bots.
But what does this mean for the future of sex and dating? And why has the phenomenon arisen?
First and foremost, since COVID, we have seen a rise in conversations surrounding loneliness, with research citing that in 2025, we are currently in a loneliness epidemic. People feel more disconnected from others than ever before!
As we tried to guarantee our safety and isolated ourselves (as we also do in the context of vaginismus), our worlds and communities became only accessible through a screen. And while that has had a positive impact on many (look at the international community of Vaginismus Sisters), we are starting to see it bleed through into dating as well, with 45% of people reporting to meeting their partner online in a recent Forbes poll.
Add that to the recent conversations surrounding dating fatigue, with people becoming tired of dating apps and the constant pressure to swipe right with no real outcome of a date or relationship. Is it any wonder that people have started seeking alternative ways to find love? Naely bypassing the algorithm and going straight to creating their perfect lover in the form of an AI-Girlfriend or a sex doll.
It begs the question:
If we are finding love outside of people, is that the result of the loneliness epidemic or an underlying cause of loneliness?
So let’s explore the world of AI and technology, looking at the most popular new dating options for people out there, from AI-girlfriends to hyper-realistic sex dolls, and what this could mean for the future of dating now and in the future.
Are We In A Loneliness Epidemic?
When it comes to looking at technology, sex, and relationships, we also need to look at the reason why AI has become so popular. That is the new focus on the loneliness epidemic and, to a lesser extent, dating app fatigue.
Researchers studying these phenomena have found that both loneliness and dating fatigue are causing people to feel more isolated from their peers, that their mental health is being severely affected, and they are experiencing severe cases of burnout and exhaustion surrounding the idea of trying to find a new relationship.
Many are choosing to shy away from dating people in real life because of feeling like people have impossible standards for relationships, disappointing dates, fear of rejection, and even pressure to perform and be in a relationship. But as we move away from dating, we are seeing that in a time when the world is at the touch of a screen and so is meeting people, we are feeling lonelier than ever.
In fact, through the constant algorithms on dating apps, the pressure to constantly be swiping right and people choosing to ghost instead of communicating or meeting up, it could be argued that the loneliness epidemic is being caused by modern dating. ..
Surrounding this phenomenon, the current research shows that: 79% of Gen Z are reporting feeling burnt out with dating, and 21% of adults in the US feel lonely, which rises to 60% of American adults under 30 feeling lonely each week, with many respondents feeling disconnected from friends, family, and/or the world.
Although the current focus on the loneliness epidemic is turned towards men, it cannot be denied that there is a huge overlap in experience with women, and specifically, women in our community who are trying to navigate vaginismus.
If you’re in a relationship, there’s a nearly constant attempt to meet societal and your partner’s expectations of what sex and intimacy look like. When penetrative sex is the norm, it can he hard to explain your avoidance of it and equally difficult to set expectations without feeling ashamed that you can’t perform a certain way. There’s a paralyzing exhaustion that comes from having to be face to face with the impact of your ‘big T’ or ‘small t’ trauma in the journey that is between you and you and of course also when in conversation with others about vaginismus that is often met with minimizing or downright unhelpful comments or avoidance due to one’s own internal discomfort on the topic of sex. People understand what vaginismus is and, of course, the ghosting that happens when you do.
And if you’re navigating your vaginismus journey alone, there’s an extra layer of loneliness and even sometimes prolonged denial and avoidance to deal with. Especially if lacking a community to lean on, it can truly feel like you’re the only ‘weird one with the problem’. Hence why our space for Vaginismus Sisters was created in the first place!!
So with that in mind, if we are feeling lonely and men are feeling lonely when it comes to dating, what are the options for those still looking to foster connection?
Although it’s a scary thought, the age of technology has opened a fresh slew of possibilities in this regard. From AI chatbots and algorithms in dating apps to help start conversations and perhaps provide a training ground for people to master the art of flirtation, to other platforms that are replacing IRL (in real life) dating with full out AI-girlfriends, to the most ‘advanced’ version of these alternatives – life-like sex dolls to imitate human intimacy. And the cherry on top, life-like sex doll robots combined with AI-girlfriend programming to serve as the ‘ultimate’ romantic partner replacement.
A New Age Of Intimacy With AI and AI-Girlfriends
Though it all seems rather new, it’s important to recognize that this isn’t such a new phenomenon.
Dating simulator games have been around since the 90s and have been popular for both men and women. These pick-your-own-adventure games range from erotic games to innocent, romantic stories, allowing you as an avatar to interact, date, and fall in love with other characters. (I mean, I remember creating couples on the SIMs back in the day?)
Also, chatbots have been around since 1966, while sex dolls have been around since the late 2000s. People have been able to customize and create a perfect partner from scratch for a while now, at least in slightly less realistic ways than technology makes possible today.
Why Are People Turning To AI To Date?
So why is it that people are turning to dating their AI-partners and sex dolls more now than ever before? Perhaps because all of that is becoming realistic enough to actually scratch the itch of that desire for connection!
Currently, there is a range of different AI-games and AI-Girlfriends available, offering people the chance to build full, domestic fantasies (including jobs, children, and homes) with their ideal partner, talk about their day, flirt, and sext.
In a recent Google Trends report, research teams found that the search for AI girlfriends has gone up by 2,400%, with AI partners becoming more and more prevalent as ChatGPT and OpenAI become more sophisticated. But why are people turning to AI to date instead of swiping right on a dating site?
Some of the most common reasons for people using AI and AI-girlfriend and boyfriend experiences are: companionship, desire to practice the skill of chatting before turning to the real world, maintaing control of the scenario, benefiting from a lack of emotional attachment, and the ability to explore a specific fantasy or sexual act without worrying about being turned down or shame for expressing their authentic desires.
From the perspective of vaginismus, you have to admit it would be nice to have dating without the pressure of performing penetrative sex!
But as we become more reliant on using AI, especially AI-Girlfriends (and Boyfriends), are we seeing a darker side of this use emerge?
Unlike previous generations of AI, the clear line between reality and a game has become eroded with these new, more sophisticated versions. Causing people to focus more on their screens than meeting people in real life. Enhancing the loneliness experience.
As well as this, there have been other darker concerns, with these AI-partners being created to be ‘up for anything’ we are seeing a rise in more and more people simulating horrific and abusive actions towards their partner, allowing them to explore specific fantasies or coercive actions with no real consequences This has caused people to worry about people becoming more violent and developing unrealistic expectations on what their partner should be doing for them when it comes to dating in real life.
Even moving away from these arguably darkest sides of using AI as a dating tool, this shift does beg the question – do people know how to interact with each other anymore? If you’re dating an AI-girlfriend that is programmed to agree with you or at least only respond with playful banter, can you truly learn how to handle a difference in opinions or interests? Do these experiences help create valuable skills applicable to real human interaction, or are people only becoming less capable of dating in person in a considerate, loving, and respectful way that also makes space for spontaneous awe-inspiring moments inspired by both people’s unique personalities and quirks?
Is Authentic Dating Dead?
With people relying on AI more and more, it raises the question: have we lost the authenticity in dating?
As dating apps are more of the norm these days, swiping right on people and holding multiple conversations a day can already be overstimulating and repetitive enough to slowly erode away the magic of a new connection. Setting up first dates, more so, feels like lining up work meetings in a way to maximize one’s chances at finding love. Especially for those with a higher number of experiences of rejection, it has become a chore instead of something fun. Isn’t it no wonder that people are opting to stay away from dating when it feels like a numbers game?
And now those looking for love have to compete with computers and dolls, on top of all other people!
These frustrations exist for singles across the board, and there are many parallels to be spoken about when it comes to your journey to your sexual liberation, as a vaginismus sister.
In the vaginismus experience, dating can already feel like a minefield. Not only do you need to be picky enough to make sure you actually feel like you click with someone, you also need to be resilient in your search for an understanding and respectful partner and set your boundaries when it comes to intimacy and sex.
Vaginismus requires an extra high level of connection and effective communication when it comes to dating.
You need to first be able to build trust with a person before you tell them about your journey, and then communicate what you need (not to mention the inevitable answering of the dreaded question ‘what is vaginismus?’ in the first place!)
So, in order to create a nourishing environment and give yourself some grace in the realm of dating, slow it down and take your time, just as is the key in exploring pleasure and creating a pleasurable penetrative practice.
Dating doesn’t have to feel like a race to the finish line with the next person already lined up.
Also, if more real-life human connections will help you feel safer in the search for a partner, it might be time to put Hinge away and look for options where you can meet people in real life. And if the off chance of meeting someone at your regular coffee shop or another part of your already established routine isn’t something you’re willing to rely on, you could opt for speed dating events or apps like Thursday and Pure that are focused on live events instead of the never-ending chatting stage.
And as real-life connection might be at the top of your priorities list, as it is on mine, the same might be true for those who have already found benefit in the AI dating experience.
For those who have most fully embraced the technological training wheels of chatbots and/or the full AI-Girlfriend experience, the all-in attempt at replacing real-life connection, physical touch, and even sex is investing in life-like sex dolls.
Mmhm, for real.
Meet the Dolls: A Look at the Pros and Cons of Life-Like Sex Dolls
When we think of sex dolls, we tend to think of them as the butt of a joke in a sitcom or movie, often pushing the narrative that they are used by sleazy old men and something to be ashamed of.
But we’re here to explore the bigger picture of the age of AI when it comes to dating and relationships, not to yuck someone’s yum.
In fact, sex dolls have become as much a part of mainstream society as the vibrator has, and are one of the most popular and ‘yummy’ sights after adult products.
Sex dolls have become sophisticated (and expensive) pieces of smart technology that allow you to customize your perfect partner from the clothes they wear to the size of their nipples and the voices that they have.
Gone are the days of a blow-up doll!
Companies like BestRealDoll are showing that the use of sex dolls doesn’t have to feel sleazy or limiting, offering multiple options and different price points to make it accessible to all who want to buy them.
In a time when people are easily getting the ick because of hairstyle, the shape of their nose (or even their own), is customizing your perfect partner so crazy?
So, what are the reasons that people are buying them? Well, just like with the use of AI-girlfriends and chatbots, there are multiple reasons, including:
Companionship.
Although sex dolls are usually seen as sex accessories, for others, they have become deeper than that. These are companions, sharing a life with their owners. And as the reasons for buying a sex doll grow, the market adapts as well.
“WOW, she feels incredible. I can’t stay off her. I’m recently separated, and she definitely has been helpful!”
For others, it is the desire to be in control and design their ‘perfect partner.’ This is why BestRealDoll offers hyper-realistic sex dolls, allowing people to personally customize everything in their 1:1 customization option – from the colour of their hair to their breasts, and even choose whether or not they moan.
All so that users can experience a more realistic interaction with their silicone lovers.
For others, it could be that they are seeking a safe way to explore their desires and sexual fantasies without worrying about emotional attachments or the fear of being judged. They thus have the chance to choose a sex doll that is not only realistic but also allows them to immerse themselves in a fantasy or specific sex act.
That includes having the option to buy a lifelike sex doll that looks like a celebrity, is only focused on one body part, or is even pregnant.
Interestingly, although sex dolls are usually seen as only being for men who want to buy a sex doll that looks like a woman, this isn’t the case, with BestRealDoll offering multiple genders from women and men to trans and even anime and fantasy-inspired.
Although it could come as a surprise, should it? After all, people are looking for pleasure and intimacy at the end of the day. And all of that on their own terms.
For example, one review at BestRealDolls said, “What a doll, doesn’t talk back, never says no, she doesn’t cook but she loves to eat.”
No matter if it is for good or bad intentions, control or pleasure, the use of sex dolls has become popular and more prominent as they become more and more realistic. But, when it comes to dating, what are the pros and cons of buying and using a sex doll? Below, I have listed some of the most common ones:
Pros
- It can improve mental health and offer companionship for those who are too busy to date or are shy, anxious about dating, and even severely disabled people who otherwise wouldn’t be able to meet people easily.
- Offer a safe space to explore sex and intimacy, especially for those who are looking for no-strings-attached.
- Allow for the practice of safe sex, including a reduction of pregnancy and STIs.
- They offer you the chance to be in control and choose your ‘perfect’ partner.
Cons
- They can create unrealistic expectations on bodies, sex, and consent, causing ethical concerns
- May cause more isolation and decrease mental health as the user becomes more reliant on their silicone lovers instead of connecting with the outside world
- They are expensive, especially the better quality and more lifelike feel you desire
Are We Being Replaced?
As we can see, when it comes to the use of sex dolls, there are many arguments on both sides, from the pros of safe sex and reducing loneliness to the cons of mental health risks, isolation and even ethics as people use them to enact specific fantasies while also paying extra for them to speak and be as realistic as possible.
It leads to the question: Are we as human women being replaced when it comes to sex and relationships?
When it comes to dating with vaginismus, it can already feel like the dating pool is limited as you try to find a partner who is both understanding and patient as you go through your vaginismus journey. And now we are having to compete with not only real-life people, but artificial intelligence and/or life-like sex dolls as well?
This world is definitely growing in the options that people have available to them. And perhaps that’s not so bad – sovereignty of one’s desired lifestyle must be respected.
Also, relying on technology is something that has become so intrinsic to our day-to-day activities (from apps to writing an email), so it is not surprising that it has moved to our dating lives as well!
Hence, although it may take a little longer to find a partner in the face of this greater number of options, I believe that there is still a person out there for us all, no matter where we are in our journey with intimacy.
And, while there are concerns around loss of social interaction, mental health, dependency, and setting unrealistic dating and sexual standards on people, could it not also be argued that the greater supply of options for connection shows that there’s a greater demand for it?
That even through this so-called loneliness epidemic, we are indeed striving for connection and love?
In fact, the use of AI in Gen Z and their dating habits shows that they are using AI-girlfriends, less for creating a new reality and more to help them develop social skills and learn to flirt before they date.
Potential for AI As It Relates To Vaginismus
If that is the case, then with the appropriate intentionality and guidance, perhaps there’s potential in utilizing AI (and maybe even sex dolls) as tools for intimacy with real-life partners in your sexual liberation journey or that common journey with your partner.
Having tools to serve you in your training ground for the higher stakes of human connection could be quite valuable. In the case of lifelike sex dolls, that’s as long as they’re not overly sexualized of course and instead help you/your partner understand and empathize with raw and real expressions of insecurity and vulnerability in a sexual experience rather than just surface level ‘features’ that help you ‘get off’.)
Would it be so bad to maturely use AI as a way to foster understanding and educate potential partners so as to safely expand your comfort zone rather than constantly have to step outside of it, only to retreat further back into your shell?
Instead of having to explain what vaginismus is, perhaps you can include an AI chatbot in a thorough and empathetic 3-way interaction to create an educational and exploratory experience of what sex and intimacy could look like based on your unique desires and boundaries. Perhaps you can use AI porn and the growing popularity of VR porn to explore fantasies with your partner as you build up to penetrative sex.
Outside of this, AI being brought into dating apps can also help you cut down the time of swiping to find someone, with the algorithm showing you people in your area who have compatible tastes with you as well.
However, it does make you wonder, if this is what dating in 2025 looks like, how will technology change overall dating and intimacy in the near future?
What Does The Future Of Dating Look Like?
With many using AI to learn to communicate and flirt, and even stating full-blown relationships with bots (AI-girlfriends) and sex dolls, what does the future potentially hold?
Alongside AI becoming more sophisticated, we are also seeing the rise of VR (virtual reality) and AR (augmented reality) especially within porn. Users are able to use headsets or other technology to feel like they are not just watching but a participant in their favourite porn! With these immersive experiences becoming more and more popular, what could this mean for dating and sex?
On one hand, there is a ethical concern about what this could do to the mental health of those using it, with the main question being, if the user is constantly watching (and to an extent participating in) hard core BDSM or even porn that depicts non-consensual sex, will it desensitize them to the act? Or worse, set unrealistic expectations that this is something they should be doing?
Alongside that, it could lead to more isolation and a lack of human connection as well as reliance on these devices, with people choosing to immerse themselves in artificial realities rather than go out and meet new people.
While these concerns are things we should consider, I think we also need to see the positives in how technology can help us with fostering connection, dating, and even sex.
Firstly, through VR and AR, love has no geographical or physical limit! It can be used to help with long-distance dating, allowing you to intimately get to know the person you are talking to. Think of it like this – instead of having to wait to go on a date with your partner until you can both be in the same location (which can be super awkward if they have flown all the way to you only to realise that there is no spark IRL) you can arrange dates from the safety of your own homes. As well as those with disabilities that make mobility harder or impossible, allowing them to date and experience intimacy with others.
Specific to the vaginismus journey, you could also use VR as part of your vaginismus journey, helping you to immerse yourself in the fantasy of penetrative sex as you use your dilators or masturbate. This could be the key to helping your body and mind reconnect and equate pleasure and sensuality with penetration, without having to worry about the reality of another person (and finding safety in surrendering in their actual presence) in the meantime.
Overall, the reality is, dating and sex are changing as technology becomes more advanced. It’s up to you how much or if at all you embrace it!
To Wrap Up …
As we enter the age of AI, AI-Girlfriends, and life-like Sex Dolls, it can feel like dating is becoming harder and harder. But is that really the case?
Even before these technologies and sex dolls became mainstream and popular, people were already in a dating fatigue, with the constant swiping right and ghosting becoming the norm over human connection and in-person dates.
Is it any wonder men and women alike have found alternative ways to foster conversation and enjoy intimacy? A sex doll won’t ghost you, and an AI-Girlfriend will keep the conversation going!
So perhaps instead of looking at these changes only as negatives on society and love, it could help to anchor into the knowing that people are actively looking for connection and intimacy. It could help to hold onto hope (and advocate) that these tools will be used more and more intentionally going forward.
And, while there are concerns around loss of social interaction, mental health, dependency, and setting unrealistic dating and sexual standards on people, could it not also be argued that the greater supply of options for connection shows that there’s a greater demand for it?
That even through this so-called loneliness epidemic, we are indeed striving for connection and love?
– Katrin, with Love
