I decided to sign up for working one-on-one with Katrin at a low point in my life.
I had put off attending to this area of my life because I felt so ugly, embarrassed, not sure how to proceed… Full of despair. So much pain and embarrassment. Feeling so alone and powerless. Dreading my birthday because it meant that I was another year older and still a ‘virgin’.
Mentally, I was very shattered and reactive about other women being able to have penetrative sex. Emotionally, I was walled up and feeling an underlying feeling of despair and depression pushing away men who were interested in me romantically. Keeping people at a distance emotionally in general. And physically, I was feeling both pain and numbness with dilating and exploring intimacy. It felt like a relief to book our first session, and I also felt very scared I wouldn’t actually heal!
I enjoyed being on the calls with Katrin because she was so present! The calls went in many directions and covered so much ground.
I was surprised that the journey was really about learning to love my body, the wisdom of my body, trusting my body, and treating my body like a friend instead of an enemy.
One of my major wins was learning how to honor my ‘no’. As soon as I started listening to the voice that said ‘no’, all of a sudden I was able to honor when other people said ‘no’ instead of being terrified by rejection. As well, I was totally amazed by the subconscious programming, the tension release exercises and learning about the different erotic languages.
I really learned how to love myself and have compassion for myself. I also realized how as soon as I faced some deep emotional shadows, that energy freed up and transformed into confident sexy energy! It was really cool to see the direct correlation between shadow and confidence.
Emotionally, I now am able to accept my emotions and release emotions held in the body. Mentally, I now have many many strategies and tools to handle my mental state. Physically, I recognize when I am stressed and slow down to notice the impact of my emotions and thoughts on my body. And as for relationships, I am much more open in relationships.
I feel less uncomfortable and more empowered within myself. Accepting my desires and following them.
I’m not totally out of the woods. I feel like I am still working through many feelings of numbness, which is definitely better than any pain! I am able to not feel pain when putting in the dilators and pleasure wands. I still have not had penetrative sex with a partner. I feel that this, like many of the partner exercises, were put on hold because I didn’t have a partner at the time the calls were taking place.
I notice I feel a lot less vulnerable in the world. I have a shell of protection so my body doesn’t need to be in constant ‘protection’ mode. I don’t feel the need to internally clench up. I am able to access my emotions a lot better… Listening to and honoring what is authentic for me.
The most illuminating part of my journey has been realizing the vaginismus IS the protection. It IS my body speaking to me. And instead of running away from ‘vaginismus’ responses, I welcome them, give myself the chance to peel back the message my body is telling me… And as I give voice to these feelings, they transform into beauty, desire, pleasure, wild, and ecstatic aspects of myself previously suppressed. On the other hand, when I ignore and shun my ‘vaginismus’ responses they turn into deep depression, disappointment, sadness… And they pull me down into a cycle that I have learned to transcend through working with Katrin. This awareness is fundamental to healing!!
I wish for YOU TOO to give yourself this gift. It will have a rippling-out effect on your entire life!
You will see shifts happening all over your life in this transformative journey! Katrin will know exactly how to meet you where you are at. She will give you invaluable tools to rely on well beyond the 4 months.
So my words of inspiration are: Don’t give up. Don’t accept less or view yourself as less than because you have this challenge. It is rewarding beyond words to fully commit to showing up for yourself, to have someone by your side. You don’t need to feel lonely anymore.
Thank you so much Katrin!!
– M. (32 years old, USA)
