I was a virgin when I married my husband at 38 years old.
Yes, I went a VERY long time with no sex, so imagine my excitement and the mystery that surrounded that. I was very ready to have sex, and was incredibly disappointed during the honeymoon when my body didn’t respond with my intellectual, physical, and emotional excitement.
It was absolutely devastating and so confusing.
I had never experienced that kind of darkness and despair. It was awful. I felt so broken and hopeless. I felt like an absolute failure. I immediately started researching and Googling what could be happening with my body. Every time my husband and I would try to attempt penetrative sex we would encounter the “Great Wall of Vagina.”
Then what proceeded was curling up in a ball, covering my face, and sobbing. After about four months I found a pelvic floor therapy place in my area. I went to about 4 sessions and they were pretty helpful, but I stopped going due to a clerical error on their end.
Still feeling discouraged and defeated and so so hopeless, I came across Katrin’s Instagram page. I private messaged her. To be honest I truly thought for sure she wouldn’t get back to me, and if so, it would be an automatic, impersonal response. It was nothing like that! The first voice message sent to me via Instagram was Katrin herself. It was such a warm invite. Someone who actually understood.
To be honest, even my pelvic floor therapist was trying to help me with something she had never personally experienced. To have someone who ACTUALLY has experienced exactly what I was currently going through was beyond comforting and hopeful.
I felt supported with my healing journey through Katrin’s program from day one. There were many times I just wanted to quit, but the community of the Vaginismus Sisters, Katrin’s constant support and guidance, prayers, and my husband’s partnership in the journey kept me going.
The main thing to know that although it feels so incredibly lonely, you are NOT alone in a community like this. And definitely NOT alone under Katrin’s care and guidance. I would go through phases of intense research into the program, and then I would have to go weeks to let all of that information saturate. There was only so much I could ingest during certain months.
Having a life line through the program was comforting during the dark times. I always knew I had someone to reach out to even when I didn’t have the answers. Someone who could explain the process and experiences.
The extra deep dives were helpful as well. We were able to narrow in on some specific issues or topics during those calls. I think the biggest lessons and breakthrough was to keep in mind to celebrate every single win not matter how small. It was a game changer. That definitely kept me going.
Life right now feels lighter without vaginismus on my shoulders so to say. I still am getting used to the whole PIV world, but the darkness that vaginismus presented every day is gone.
I want to tell every single one of you struggling with Vaginismus, that although it feels hopeless, you are in the correct, SAFE spot. If I can do it, I have EVERY confidence that YOU can make it to the other side as well.
Don’t put a timeline on yourself through this healing journey. Once I surrendered the timelines (I had so many timelines lol), I was able to relax more and let the process just take its natural course.
Learn your body in the meantime. Learn about yourself. Be consistent. Take breaks when necessary, but don’t quit. Still have fun with your spouse and become creative in other sexy, intimate activities. Although this was a ROUGH start to our marriage, and nothing AT ALL expected, it drew us so much closer. I knew my husband was a good man when I married him, but wow, this journey proved to me ten fold how much better of a man he is after going through this.
Also, be patient with the process!! Find support through your romantic/life partner. Learn to have fun during the dilating and pelvic wand exercises as much as possible. Set the mood. We would play spa type of music, and dim the lights. We found it so relaxing, and it just became our routine after awhile while we did the hard work of dilating and pelvic wand work.
Cry. I can’t begin to express how many tears were shed in the 17 months of this journey, but it is good to let it all out. Be mad at vaginismus, but use that anger to propel you to fight that monster head on! My husband was my support system and coach through it all. It was team work, and I had to believe him after the tenth time of him saying it, that he was with me on this journey and not going anywhere.
I would 1,000% recommend Katrin and her program to ANYONE struggling with vaginismus! She has been through it personally, plus she has done years of research. She is gentle, yet gets you to do the hard work.
She has the PERFECT personality to help you when you are at your lowest emotionally and physically. She is a God-send, and I don’t know where I would be today if it wasn’t for her and her expertise, love, and guidance.
My husband and I will forever be grateful for her.
– Kimberly B. (40 years old, USA)
