To The Parts Of You Who Despised Being A Woman

The familial conditioning was only the beginning..

The way she observed a woman in her lineage being treated like an ’emotional mess’ – needing to mold herself to a man’s logic and be tied to a man’s wallet.. 

Pinned as a care-taker and servant to her controlling partner and in some cases walked all over just because she could be. Because she was never taught to stand up for herself.

To put her needs first. 

Being a woman meant being powerless. For way too long.

Societally and culturally..

It happened when the innocent spark in her eyes dimmed in reflection of the expectations she was starting to notice all around her. The messages of ‘not enough’ and ‘too much’ bubbled up in her awareness and consumed her subconscious mind.. 

They sneakily convinced her there was somewhere else to get to. Someone else to be. 

Being a woman meant being born a first draft..

Not yet complete.

One day to become the perfect mold of billboard beauty, quiet elegance and toned down class.

Culturally but maybe also religiously..

The shame of her sexual nature ran deep. 

Desire was to sit in a dark closet, unexpressed – an anxiety-inducing thought to be saved for marriage, right next to exploring her vulva and vagina.

Those milestones to be saved for the hands of a man, as though he is the key to her erotic liberation. As though he will know how to touch her for her pleasure.

Being a woman meant being distracted away from her erotic and creative power. Perhaps intentionally!

So we all did it..

We grew disconnected from our bodies. Unaware of the wisdom that they hold.

We strived to perform on a man’s timing, blind to the superpowers that exist if we only honoured our monthly flow.. Our bodies protested (sometimes via PMS) and we stuffed them with birth control pills to silence their truth.

We become over-giving machines, people pleasers, perfectionists.

We hardened a little.

Then a lot more.

We found safety in control and then were called ‘uptight’. We even tried to downright change our partners in an attempt to feel held. Because we couldn’t yet truly trust and surrender to our men and life in general.

So we closed in..

The wall around our hearts grew higher.

We didn’t know how to release what we were holding..

So the pressure built, until it burst. In one way or another, it led us on a path of self-discovery.

A softening.

A welcoming of our authentic selves.

And that’s when the reclamation began.

The seed of the Liberated & In Love Woman was planted. 👑 🌹

– Katrin, with Love