What if I told you I can see your future?
My crystal ball shows.. That a transition is ahead for you in a close relationship.. (🙄 Well duh!)
Some transitions are planned and logical. Others are beyond surprising, often in the most chow-down-a-full-box-of white-chocolate-macadamia-nut-cookies kind of way.
Why? Well because of THAT moment. Maybe..
In the middle of your ‘knight in shining armour’ fairytale, your partner breaks up with you (or worse, cheats).
And the lack of understanding around WHY is eating you up on the inside.
Brutal.
After exploring countless theories in your head about what’s WRONG with you that you are proving to be unlovable.. The tears dry up and you decide you’re over it and will move on because you deserve to be happy!
… But the next relationship and the one after that bring whispers of doubt around whether you really are meant to have your happily ever after…
And when THE ONE comes along.. The gut-wrenching emptiness of ‘this is too good to be true’ is around every corner, every date. So you find yourself sabotaging what’s right in front of you.
Perhaps with all the pain you’ve been through around romance (and what at some point you realize was also childhood abandonment), you do one of two things:
1️. You decide that (wo)men are no good. And you claim your right to casually relate to those who are living breathing symbols of the one that hurt you first.. So you surrender deeper into your casual-fling ways for pleasure, not letting yourself get too close to be hurt again..
Or..
2️. You pour your heart and soul (and maybe your bank account) into the next one that comes around (decent or not), because the fear of ending up alone is at an all-time high. You’re turning the big 3/4/5-ty this year after all, and it’s time to ‘settle down’. So you ignore the red flags and blindly dive in to the very same flavour of things you promised yourself you would say no to last time.
Any of these sound familiar?
The truth is..
We all have experienced pain around relationships.
You are not alone in that. In fact, we are all walking around trying to find someone to fill the hole in our heart with the 🧩 that finally fits right.
Sure, we’re trying to find the missing piece.. But no perfect piece exists to plug the constant leak of desire for validation by another!
The hole in our heart (our relational trauma) has created one of two manifestations.. And it’s ONLY up to us to heal from them:
1️. Fear of abandonment
2️. Fear of commitment
They sound pretty different, right?
Well, they really are the two sides of the SAME coin – at their core, they are BOTH fear of vulnerability. Fear of opening ourselves up to love. Fear of being hurt, again.
So what do we do?
We close!
Of course we say no to any additional risk of the same emotional pain we carry within! But that also shuts us down to feeling the other side of the spectrum fully. We close to both pain AND pleasure. Because we can’t cherry pick with this protective mechanism!
And sometimes, this survival strategy leaves us feeling even worse than tender from pain.
Because what’s worse than pain?
NUMBNESS.
The walls go up full force and the numbness REALLY gets you.
From this default mode of not feeling altogether, all of a sudden, not only love but life loses all sense of purpose. The magic is gone. And any glimpse of motivation to reignite the spark is fleeting.
Hellooo depressive episodes! Hellooo anxiety running the show! You feel me? 💌
And…
Just like it is 100x harder to gain trust in someone/men/the world after you’ve lost it, it’s also incredibly difficult to take the walls down.
It’s way harder to OPEN than it is to close.
But it is possible.
What’s true though is that relationships can be both the problem AND the solution. ❤️🩹
The people with whom we relate (especially romantically) are our greatest teachers. They are our most squeaky clean mirrors. They help us see ourselves most clearly! So we can REALLY get to know ourselves. Who we are. What we want. And what we WON’T stand for.
You see..
Just like relationships can be a catalyst for us shrinking into numbness, they CAN be the reason for our expansion into our power. Into FEELING IT ALL.
This can happen only with our conscious effort of course. There is no magic pill here.
And if we choose this path..
Relationships can be the permission slip..
1️. For taking down our protective masks and revealing our most vulnerable, brave, authentic self again. Yep, the same one we were BY DESIGN as kids before taking on the heaviness of the world – when we innocently explored it with joy.
2️. For feeling that giddiness and butterflies in our stomachs and embracing the aliveness of the moment for everything it brings. The knowing that you want THIS person, or this ice cream, now not later. Or THIS experience no matter how societally ‘unacceptable’ it is, or how much it ‘just doesn’t make sense’.
3️. For welcoming tears, grief and sadness with the same open arms that we welcome the high of singing and dancing our hearts out at a concert or rave. Knowing that we can hold ourselves in safety even in the tough times AND we can open ourselves up to BEING held by another WHILE balling our eyes out instead of hiding out in isolation.
Relationships can inspire us to love another human fully, giving us an IN to loving ourselves again.
How do I know that?
THAT has been the road I’ve walked. I know it preettttyyy intimately.
I believe that the theme in which we experience the most darkness is the same one in which we can shine the brightest light.
My own darkness has been in the realm of relationships (familial and romantic), which resulted in a difficulty with opening up.
1️. Emotionally..
Initially finding safety in the books rather than in the game of flirting and dating. I subconsciously closed myself off to sexual interactions and men in my life later confirmed that I in fact, intimidated some of them! I guess I was more at home my go-getter alpha push energy rather than my seductress sensual pull.
2️. Physically..
My body refused to literally let another person in. Leading to excruciating pain when I tried to have PIV sex. Goodbye more men and hello friend-zoning them once again and spending the next 6 years of my life trying to ‘fix myself’. Other mysterious pain in my body also up-ed the urgency of my ‘metaphysical healing journey’..
So that’s me in a nutshell! Can you relate? 💬👇🏻
It is only through my own growth that I’ve realized it’s not about sweeping pain away under the carpet. (I have experienced the damage this does).
My work in the world is about guiding you to clean your carpet from all the dust, dirt and lost coins. And then take it on a ride into the night.
Specifically, by processing emotional pain of the past so it no longer pollutes your present.. And then welcoming any future emotional pain with a healed open heart, grace and elegance. Transmuting pain into wisdom, pleasure, and aliveness and EMBODYING that.
This is a level of wisdom and skill that you can then pass on to future generations – so more don’t have to suffer (at least in the same way you did).
It’s all an alchemy of pain into freedom.
Going from closing as a default to opening by design..
A transition which leads to an expansion!
I’d love to help YOU expand into your most authentic, alive, expressive self! To liberate yourself from the shackles of your past that have held you back at times from enjoying the people, opportunities and the beauty around you.
That’s WHY our community is all about being unleashed.
LIBERATED.
And IN LOVE.
For the woman courageously choosing a life by her own design, I have created The Liberated & In Love Academy!
The manuscript to being Liberated & In Love. 👑 🌹
This is where you get to consciously CHOOSE to go on your next transition among sisterhood.
A transition that doesn’t aim to change you. Rather, it supports you in leading yourself BACK to yourself. Emotionally, sexually, spiritually and even physically.
This is where you get to choose to open into your empowering life..
Create it by design..
And finally feel like the Liberated & In Love Woman that you’ve always been!
You see..
We have ALL fallen into our lives by default – the familial, cultural and societal influences we were exposed to have shaped us without our conscious consent.
This journey is about letting go of the survival strategies, shackles and limitations that no longer serve you. It’s about consciously designing a life you love. It’s YOUR time!
– Katrin, with Love
